1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
designgeekery
designgeekery

So I had to get a CT scan this morning to check on a nodule I have in my chest. Which is fine if it wasn’t the first time I’m hearing of this nodule. I guess it wasn’t dangerous but it’s still upsetting to just now learn about it. I don’t even know what nodule means and if it’s a possible precursor to something else.

designgeekery

So nodules can be cancerous, and apparently the doctors did a “wait and see” moment by having me get another test. I had a test a couple of years ago to get clearance for transplant which is when I’m guessing they originally saw the nodule. The good news is most nodules are benign and that is likely case for mine but they have to keep checking to make sure. Or as I like to call it “yet another thing for me to worry about” as if I wasn’t anxious enough about all my health issues.

designgeekery

Fuck, the scan came back abnormal. Which means they either want more test and/or compare it to the last scan I had. Either way I’ve been made inactive again on the transplant list. I’m so tired of all of this.

A friend pointed out something I hadn’t given much thought to or at least not consciously. I have a chronic disease but unlike other chronic disease mine requires a lot of maintenance in order to keep me alive. My life expectancy drops to zero within a couple of days without getting a dialysis treatment. My whole life is devoted to keeping me alive and that’s what makes enjoying life so difficult because I’m in a constant survival mode.

But this is also why I need to go easier on myself especially as I get older. My life isn’t easy and yet somehow I’m still managing to live it. I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. The shock people have when they hear about my medical stuff is always a surprise to me because I live it, I have to, so I’m used to the day-to-day struggles so I don’t give it much thought. But so much of my time is given to doctors, appointments, procedures, tests, you name it. It’s a full-time job for me to keep me alive.

Just wish I could have a vacation.

designgeekery
designgeekery

So I had to get a CT scan this morning to check on a nodule I have in my chest. Which is fine if it wasn’t the first time I’m hearing of this nodule. I guess it wasn’t dangerous but it’s still upsetting to just now learn about it. I don’t even know what nodule means and if it’s a possible precursor to something else.

designgeekery

So nodules can be cancerous, and apparently the doctors did a “wait and see” moment by having me get another test. I had a test a couple of years ago to get clearance for transplant which is when I’m guessing they originally saw the nodule. The good news is most nodules are benign and that is likely case for mine but they have to keep checking to make sure. Or as I like to call it “yet another thing for me to worry about” as if I wasn’t anxious enough about all my health issues.

So I had to get a CT scan this morning to check on a nodule I have in my chest. Which is fine if it wasn’t the first time I’m hearing of this nodule. I guess it wasn’t dangerous but it’s still upsetting to just now learn about it. I don’t even know what nodule means and if it’s a possible precursor to something else.

I have zero desire to be on FB right now, haven’t logged in for a week and not really missing it. Impromptu FB break is fine by me. It’s just a depressing landscape, I’m glad to have so many politically active friends but I just need a break from it once in a while. Which is probably why I can’t give up Tumblr, my dashboard is perfectly curated to things that I enjoy looking it and I don’t feel stressed spending copious amounts of time on this site. Which makes me glad cause this site can easily go the other direction and every so often it leaks onto my dashboard but for the most part the people I follow avoid drama as much as I do (shout out to mutuals who keep me coming back to this site).